Rant

**Warning: My frustration my offend some who might read this. Sorry***

So Alan got his benefits package yesterday. I was excited because it means I get health insurance and I can take the whole baby thing more seriously. umm....I might have to re-think that. Seriously, I was shocked at the premium prices. LAST time it was an extra $250 per month to cover me, THIS time we're looking at twice that! PLUS, the deductible is $5000 a year. Say I had an uneventful pregnancy the cost is estimated around $12,000 if I paid cash. The short of it is that I would pay the same, if not more with this insurance. My work doesn't offer health insurance so I talked to the HR lady today and asked her to ask the officers if they could reconsider based on the growth of the company and how many of us need it now.

How much does a baby cost a month anyways? Also, I don't get much time off. I just get 2 weeks paid time after birth, that's not part of the regular time off. Actually, Alan might get more in paternity leave than I get of maternity leave.

I might have to re-think this giving birth stuff...there just seems to be a lot more to think about, and not just with money, but my health. I have a whole slew of risks...mostly because of my weight and Im having the hardest time getting it off this time around. I guess I'm just frustrated.

Alan and I thought about foster/adopting a kid in the next couple years if the live birth thing doesn't work out. We wouldn't want an infant, but maybe a kid between 2-5, for a few reasons. First, s/he will have cousins closer their age, I also feel more comfortable around tots, and whole insurance thing won't be such a big deal and I won't have to worry about infertility, gestational diabetes, etc. Alan's insurance will cover him and up to 10! kids for $250...add me into that and it's like paying an extra mortgage! Wofda~! I'll just get cheaper private insurance for myself.

I just want to have a kid so bad...but I just want them to come to us in the BEST possible circumstance so we can provide the best for them. On a selfish note, I think Im scared of the change a baby brings, even though I know I shouldn't be.