The more I don't look forward to the birthday!
No more..."Woo Hoo! Im gonna go out and party!" I just don't feel up to it. I'm having a self -esteem issue. Everything I want...I just feel like I don't deserve. I have a bad habit of talking myself out of things I want. Like, I found these pants I wanted, but I was all like..."Well, I don't NEED pants and we're trying to save money and I want to lose weight--so I should just buy pants later..." The thing is that Im FINE with money and they were only like $15, and I really DO need pants and I haven't been gung ho about weight loss, so they would fit for quite some time. Im also to the point where I wont get things unless Alan (or who ever im with) gets something too... Like when I was SO in the mood for Starbucks...Alan's not big on coffee so I said, nevermind.
I think that my fear is that if I allow myself to get the things that I want, I might not have self control and go overboard. The SAD part is that I DO allow myself to be over indulgent when it comes to food and we go out to eat ALOT more often than we should. Maybe I SHOULD give in to my shopping inpulses and BUY clothes and home decor...and spend less on going out to eat. At least I will have something to show for the $15 like a throw pillow or sandals, instead of eating and poo-ing my investment.
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I feel the same way ALL the time! I just recently had to make myself buy new clothes. I had no choice; everything I had just didn't fit. I was down to one pair of jeans! Sometimes you just have to take the plunge and do what you need. I'm with you on the food thing...I wonder what we would have if we spent all the money we did last year on food and put it somewhere else? Well, too late for "what-ifs"!
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